Siblings

Ellie loves to hold Colin and I love snapping pictures of it...

Shhhhh...

Colin and I have a secret. Don't tell him but I'm not sure what the secret is. I just know that it's a happy secret. When he sees me at 2am or when he is waking up from a nap, he looks at me for a moment and then he is reminded of this mysterious something that we share and he gives me the sweetest, sneakiest smile-- a smile that fills up those chubby cheeks and I can't help but laugh. Even at 2 in the morning. We are so enamored with each other. Hmm... maybe that is our secret.

Colin's First Giggles

Too cute for words... in order to see this super cute video of my babe having his first giggles you have to click on the title of this blog post, then a youtube video will automatically pop up. Go ahead...just put your cursor up there and click on it. You can't help but smile watching this one!

PPD

So I haven't been super, umm, public about this yet, but this time around I am feeling what I like to call THE YUCK a good deal more than after Ellie. The first two weeks after Ellie was born I cried and cried and cried and... Brian and I still laugh when we talk about it. But it was two weeks and then the water fountain turned off and I was able to sleep and my jaw didn't constantly hurt from clenching my teeth and... This time around I was a little emotional right after Colin was born but then it got better and I thought it was done, and then suddenly it got really, really, really BAD. Things are a whole lot better than they were a few weeks ago but I am still not myself. I wrote to the author of the apparently famous blog dooce.com and she wrote back! The book I am referring to in the letter is her book that tells about her first year after her daughter was born, including her struggles with postpartum depression.

I guess this is my way of letting people know what is up with me. I also hope to write more on the blog because one way I feel most alive is through writing and "what the world needs is people who feel more alive."


Dear Heather,
> Wow, wow, wow. Hopefully this beginning isn't offensive-- I had no idea...
> about your website, about your, well, fame I guess. Sorry.
> Honesty: These past few days I have felt pretty excited to write to you,
> like I had to tell you that based on your book, we are actually long lost
> kindred spirits; however, all I knew of you was your book (sorry sorry!) and
> now I think you are like... well, writing to you is like my thoughts on
> writing Obama-- maybe my letter might make the nightly letter lottery, but
> probably not, but I think I'll write it anyway because it will feel good.

> I have a three and a half year old little girl and I just had a baby boy
> almost 10 weeks ago. I might have had some "blues" after my daughter was
> born but nothing too serious. This time around has not been so good. Around
> week four-ish I had a meltdown that I am still recovering from. My
> sister-in-law gave me your book about a week into the meltdown / freak-out /
> oh-my-god am I gonna get through this? session. I am so grateful she gave me
> your book and I am so glad you wrote all that you did. AND, I am so super
> thankful for your honesty, all of your honesty, thank you.

> I can't say, "you saved me!" because that would be a bit much and a bit
> dramatic (I have to give some credit to the zoloft), but I can say, "damn,
> reading your book has helped me feel less emotionally insane or weak."
>
> I'm still reading. Haven't finished. Sometimes I have to put it down because
> I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts/feelings/sarcasm/blunt
> honesty/beautiful dedication to life--and quite frankly, it freaks me out a
> little, makes my anxiety go up instead of down. I've also jumped around a
> bit in the book, for this same reason. But, particularly the last few days I
> just feel super grateful for your unabashed honesty.

> Right now it's still a day by day challenge/struggle. The YUCK can sometimes
> creep in, especially the more tired I am, and during those mornings or days
> I have to remind myself over and over that the feeling is temporary and this
> too shall pass. But often I feel embarrassed or at least like a broken
> record to the people closest to me who have been listening and trying to be
> supportive for the last month and a half. Although I know it logically and
> from an intellectual place, your book has helped remind me that it's ok to
> feel this messed up and still be head over heels for my babes. Sometimes I
> want to scream, to the general public, "oh my god this totally sucks and I
> don't know why the human race continues to exist!" but I worry people will
> think I'm not totally smitten with my kids.

> Anyway, I'm getting tired and I should go with it.

> I went to your website tonight, which I got from the cover of the book, and
> I had a WHOA. reaction. I shouldn't be surprised. Leave it to me to be
> clueless about a professional blogette like yourself. If no one else has
> claimed the crown, you can be assured that there is a MOST GRATEFUL FAN OF
> THE BOOK.

> Baby woke up...
> Wishing you the best.
>
> Jenny Johnson Granstrom

> PS--I bought Poptarts yesterday and I think tomorrow I'll ask my hubby to
> rub my feet and both will remind me that all will be well and I can do this,
> I can get through this.

Early Olympian

Check out this future Olympic superstar. Oh, that concentrated face, the incredible use of his arms... remember his name, he's gonna be a star!